Canadia Calling 3
Dear Team, difficult to know where to start since last we spoke but why don't I pluck a few highlights randomly from the thigh high pile here in Chez Gardy.Let's see, well, why not let's start with our recent attendance at an Australian Trade Commission do in Toronto a week or so back. Now, by way of background I have to say that I have always harboured a healthy disrespect for the idea that our brothers and sisters in the 'business community' are any less prone to politically correct double speak than we honest battlers in Her Majesty's Public Service. So, here I was with my colleagues and one or two partners in some ritzy joint in down town Toronto, nibbling on free lamb (unbelievably good), kangaroo (not as good as the lamb but definitely a few cuts above the usual sort of road kill you'd throw in the back of the ute on your way out to the Chifley damn (apologies to non-Bathurst readers)), red wine (very respectable) and just about the best blue cheese I've ever inhaled. We are in a huge hall with a coupla hundred (no doubt) fellow A listers; all are in suits (including chicks), ties, and evening clobber (except your correspondent who, having spent the day in Tronto (as I and other locals call it) swanning around doing lunch and generally doing my bit for international harmony and understanding, had just come from the pub and was still in jeans and tee). Turns out (I actually had no idea what the gig was in aid of when I got there) the evening was put on to try to pursuade Canadian business types to a) come to Australia and watch the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne (hmmmm) and b) in between scintilating afternoons at the lawn bowls and pistol shooting, do a bit of biznez. The speaches were the usual sort of tripe about the 'natural affinity' between sport and business (don't start me!) and climaxed in the appearance of Brennon Dowrick, ex Australian gymnast and now 'motivational speaker' (for god's sake don't start me!!) who proceeded to bore everyone rigid with the story of his career and how the 'motivation' and 'passion' that 'motivated' his 'passion' for sport was (he was sure) similar to our own 'motivation' and (yes) 'passion' to be 'motivated' and 'passionate' in all our 'motivated' and 'passionate' dealings with the world. The boredom was interrupted with a few demos on the pommel horse (yes, someone had brung an actual pommel horse). After a quite impressive 11 unsupported vertical push ups (hands on the horse, feet going directly at the ceiling) our trained seal failed to take the opportunity to quit on a high, and managed to cram in a dozen or so more 'motivateds' and 'passionates' before the hook came from stage left. Let me place on record that if being rich means having to listen politely to this stuff on a regular basis, give me genteel poverty any day.
But, dear readers, the fun was not yet over. The highlight of the night was the Games Baton (see attached photo of said baton with the 'Fuscia sisters', my colleague Mary (right) and Darlene (partner of colleague Cam)) which (apparently) symbolised so many things it just had to be a world record in symbolisationism!! Most touchingly, the baton had little red lights on it, one for each colony.. er , country of the commonwealth. Apparently it was very high tech and, no doubt, worth a squillion but it looked uncannily like a toy I bought my nephew last christmas. Better still, Tom Lowrie and I got talking with some Australian chicky from the Australian High Commision in Ottowa. Of course, Tom with his wedding band and generally superior chat up skills managed to outpoint me here (as he has in most other things) and, before the night was out was giving her tips on her backhand using an empty wine bottle as a bloody tennis racquet! I mean, how much can a koala bear!! Needless to say 'Caroline' from 'Adelaide' (said with appropriate poshness) is still emailing Tom every other day to thank him for the backhand tips. Fair dinkum. I give up.
I should mention briefly that classes have started here in Burlington. Our students are so keen it's taking it's toll on all of us. I am even re-considering my 'night before' teaching preparation regime, that's how goddam keen and switched on they are! Have visited half a dozen or so Ontario schools and met lots of friendly Canads. For what it's worth (non teacher education readers ignore following sentence), I have become a very quick convert to the Canadian system of no undergraduate teacher education. These students leave ours for deadsville. Perhaps too early to tell but, as you know, I do love a BS (big statement) and, besides, one of them is talking about letting us stay in her cotttage somewhere. Now that's what I call committment.
We are off to see to the Toronto Blue Jays (major league baseball) this weekend and I have managed to secure tickets for the Buffalo Bills (American footy) later on in the year. Unfortunately, tickets were pretty hard to get and we will be seeing the Bills play the unfancied Carolina Panthers at 'Ralph Wilson' Stadium in late November. Hey, at least we're going. Somehow, Tom has also convinced me to part with $140 USD to see The Rolling Stones in a couple of weeks time. Please, no comments about this are necessary.Next week I'm gonna be on Ontario telly talking about obesity and BMI and stuff. In fact, it's a dream come true. It's a live to air panel show with live phone ins! Can you believe it!? At last a country which recognises true media talent when they see it. I will of course be wearing my best 'left bank' beret, black scivvy and have bought small John Lennon (fake) eye glasses for the 'gig'. I am also on a lettuce only diet.
For those who've had enough and need to stop reading and get on with the rest of their lives, I understand. However, one final 'only in Nth America' story is worth relating. I was in Toronto a few weeks ago on a Sunday with a view to sampling the delights of the city. I got there in the morning and saw a couple of films about the Ukraine and then checked ot some live Ukranian music. Always good fun. Anyway, while I was walking around I saw a photocopied poster for this classic 1922 silent film 'Nosferatu' based on Bram Stoker's book Dracula. It might actually be one of the first vampire films ever made. Not sure. Anyway, it wasn't until 9pm so I filled in the rest of the day around Toronto and then walked up to the 'cinema' at about 7. Well, it turned out to be someone's house. The guy sold me a ticket in his hallway and then I went and looked around town a bit more and had some dinner. I got back there just in time and went into this room off the hallway (it was one of these very old, all timber terrace places, all squeezed together very tight). Anyway, this tiny room is set up with a screen and speakers at one end, seats arranged in rows and the projector at the back. Just before the movie starts the bloke whose place it is comes out the front and gives us (I suppose there were about a dozen in the 'audience') his philosophy on life. Only in America!! The bloke is talking a lot of bullshit about society today and what he learned when he first read Dracula as a boy (blah blah blah), when this girl, maybe 28-30 or so bursts in the door, obviously pissed, carrying a beer and sits next to me. Yes me!! This bloke keeps talking and the girl starts kind of heckling him, yelling out 'I love you' and 'right on' and 'you're so right'. I was giggling as quietly as possible. The movie starts (so it's a silent film with Radiohead music played quite loud over the top of it, quite cool actually) and she's humming along, saying how much she loves Radiohead and then asks me if I was there alone (I know what you're thinking). We're chatting away (she said she was from Vancouver, was in town for a wedding, had just been thrown out of a limo by her 6 mates who said the rest of the night was boys only, she was pissed off because she had more balls than them and that she was going to put some rubber snakes and spiders in one of their beds. You know, the usual chit-chat), she occassionally drifts off into singing with the music, offering me a swig from her beer, when the bloke stops the movie and asks for the person who is talking to desist. A few other people in the 'crowd' say 'here here!'. After that she didn't say much, fell in and out of sleep, periodically banging her head on the wall behind us, and then sprang up and left, never to be seen again, about 15 minutes before the end. How's that?? Just another night in Ontario.
Finally! I have the sad duty to inform you that I have been witness to a disturbing crime involving, well, let us say 'a friend'. Not only that, the crime was caught on camera (see attached photo of member of the CSU professoriate standing suspicioulsy alongside a felled street sign).
On the serious side, the local authorities are investigating and, well, let us say that if any of you have ever taught mathematics and have a few free months between here and christmas, there may shortly be a vacancy around here. In an attempt to make light of this very worrying time, can I invite suggestions for a caption for said photograph. The winner gets to be deleted from my email list. Now there's a prize!!love yous all.
MG
But, dear readers, the fun was not yet over. The highlight of the night was the Games Baton (see attached photo of said baton with the 'Fuscia sisters', my colleague Mary (right) and Darlene (partner of colleague Cam)) which (apparently) symbolised so many things it just had to be a world record in symbolisationism!! Most touchingly, the baton had little red lights on it, one for each colony.. er , country of the commonwealth. Apparently it was very high tech and, no doubt, worth a squillion but it looked uncannily like a toy I bought my nephew last christmas. Better still, Tom Lowrie and I got talking with some Australian chicky from the Australian High Commision in Ottowa. Of course, Tom with his wedding band and generally superior chat up skills managed to outpoint me here (as he has in most other things) and, before the night was out was giving her tips on her backhand using an empty wine bottle as a bloody tennis racquet! I mean, how much can a koala bear!! Needless to say 'Caroline' from 'Adelaide' (said with appropriate poshness) is still emailing Tom every other day to thank him for the backhand tips. Fair dinkum. I give up.
I should mention briefly that classes have started here in Burlington. Our students are so keen it's taking it's toll on all of us. I am even re-considering my 'night before' teaching preparation regime, that's how goddam keen and switched on they are! Have visited half a dozen or so Ontario schools and met lots of friendly Canads. For what it's worth (non teacher education readers ignore following sentence), I have become a very quick convert to the Canadian system of no undergraduate teacher education. These students leave ours for deadsville. Perhaps too early to tell but, as you know, I do love a BS (big statement) and, besides, one of them is talking about letting us stay in her cotttage somewhere. Now that's what I call committment.
We are off to see to the Toronto Blue Jays (major league baseball) this weekend and I have managed to secure tickets for the Buffalo Bills (American footy) later on in the year. Unfortunately, tickets were pretty hard to get and we will be seeing the Bills play the unfancied Carolina Panthers at 'Ralph Wilson' Stadium in late November. Hey, at least we're going. Somehow, Tom has also convinced me to part with $140 USD to see The Rolling Stones in a couple of weeks time. Please, no comments about this are necessary.Next week I'm gonna be on Ontario telly talking about obesity and BMI and stuff. In fact, it's a dream come true. It's a live to air panel show with live phone ins! Can you believe it!? At last a country which recognises true media talent when they see it. I will of course be wearing my best 'left bank' beret, black scivvy and have bought small John Lennon (fake) eye glasses for the 'gig'. I am also on a lettuce only diet.
For those who've had enough and need to stop reading and get on with the rest of their lives, I understand. However, one final 'only in Nth America' story is worth relating. I was in Toronto a few weeks ago on a Sunday with a view to sampling the delights of the city. I got there in the morning and saw a couple of films about the Ukraine and then checked ot some live Ukranian music. Always good fun. Anyway, while I was walking around I saw a photocopied poster for this classic 1922 silent film 'Nosferatu' based on Bram Stoker's book Dracula. It might actually be one of the first vampire films ever made. Not sure. Anyway, it wasn't until 9pm so I filled in the rest of the day around Toronto and then walked up to the 'cinema' at about 7. Well, it turned out to be someone's house. The guy sold me a ticket in his hallway and then I went and looked around town a bit more and had some dinner. I got back there just in time and went into this room off the hallway (it was one of these very old, all timber terrace places, all squeezed together very tight). Anyway, this tiny room is set up with a screen and speakers at one end, seats arranged in rows and the projector at the back. Just before the movie starts the bloke whose place it is comes out the front and gives us (I suppose there were about a dozen in the 'audience') his philosophy on life. Only in America!! The bloke is talking a lot of bullshit about society today and what he learned when he first read Dracula as a boy (blah blah blah), when this girl, maybe 28-30 or so bursts in the door, obviously pissed, carrying a beer and sits next to me. Yes me!! This bloke keeps talking and the girl starts kind of heckling him, yelling out 'I love you' and 'right on' and 'you're so right'. I was giggling as quietly as possible. The movie starts (so it's a silent film with Radiohead music played quite loud over the top of it, quite cool actually) and she's humming along, saying how much she loves Radiohead and then asks me if I was there alone (I know what you're thinking). We're chatting away (she said she was from Vancouver, was in town for a wedding, had just been thrown out of a limo by her 6 mates who said the rest of the night was boys only, she was pissed off because she had more balls than them and that she was going to put some rubber snakes and spiders in one of their beds. You know, the usual chit-chat), she occassionally drifts off into singing with the music, offering me a swig from her beer, when the bloke stops the movie and asks for the person who is talking to desist. A few other people in the 'crowd' say 'here here!'. After that she didn't say much, fell in and out of sleep, periodically banging her head on the wall behind us, and then sprang up and left, never to be seen again, about 15 minutes before the end. How's that?? Just another night in Ontario.
Finally! I have the sad duty to inform you that I have been witness to a disturbing crime involving, well, let us say 'a friend'. Not only that, the crime was caught on camera (see attached photo of member of the CSU professoriate standing suspicioulsy alongside a felled street sign).
On the serious side, the local authorities are investigating and, well, let us say that if any of you have ever taught mathematics and have a few free months between here and christmas, there may shortly be a vacancy around here. In an attempt to make light of this very worrying time, can I invite suggestions for a caption for said photograph. The winner gets to be deleted from my email list. Now there's a prize!!love yous all.MG
posted by MG at 8:54 PM
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